Tuesday, April 20, 2010

This Could Happen

Be the Next Top CSI in your city Laura ! Press Here!

        Finally.

        Someone realizes my potential, even by way of spam email.

        I could do this. This could really happen.

Here are my qualifications.

A. I can read minds. I may not remember later what I read ,but I can, nevertheless.

B. During the 80’s and 90’s I knew how to interrogate teenage daughters. Example:

Me:  “How was school today? Did you do well on the Biology test?”  “Who went to Mexico?” “Was the test hard?”

This type of questioning is an art.  The question about the party or Mexico or the young man or the driver of the car has to be artfully embedded within other no big deal questions. It is a great technique.

(In the spirit of full disclosure, this never worked. My daughters are just as gifted in not answering my questions.Great techniques don’t always work.)

C. I don’t mind sitting in my car, with binoculors if need be, a bag of doughnuts (or pan de polvo from Celebrity Cake Shoppe), dark sunglasses, and a fancy camera with a telephoto lens. In fact, I yearn for just such an adventure. I may start doing this without my credentials.  Maybe I have already done this…

D. I can create an entire ‘made for TV’ movie scenario out of just about anything.  My mind is a steel trap of speculation, presumption, and dire warnings. My daughters don’t call me ‘the voice of doom’ for no reason.

        Oh well. I think I’ll just work in my yard.  I can always practice my investigative skills on my husband when the urge strikes.  He enjoys it so much when I do that.

Me:  “What did they say?”

Husband: no comment-just intense focus on the television

Me:  “Tell me everything. Exactly what did they say?”

Husband: no comment, intense focus on the television, volume increases.

Me: shouting over the television, “What did they say?”

You get the picture.

My husband is a master non-answerer (new word). I guess his daughters came by it honest. 

                               ************

PS.  Here are two of my favorite questions that my parents used.

1. Have you been sitting on the hoods of cars?

and-

2. Don’t make me drive around with my headlights off.

                             *************

tootyourhorn-1

 

24 comments:

Attic Rat said...

Let me know when the movie comes out. I would love to see it. LOL

Getting info out of the teenagers is a definite art. Maybe you could teach classes.

Always Nesting said...

Hilarious! Not only do we have the same daughters but we are married to the same man! What I reallllly love is now that they are adults, NOW I'm getting the answers to the questions I asked when they were teens. Only now I can't ground them or take away their car.

I, also, have to ask my husband to "tell me everything they said." 3 daughters and a wife, he should know that by now!! LOL

hip chick said...

to funny! My friend and I want to be girl cops when we grow up...like Cagney and Lacey. We want to carry guns, drink coffee and look good in uniforms. You could be one of our partners that has her own show but guest stars on our show sometimes...and we could guest star on your show too.

Terry Lee said...

hahahaha!!! laura, you are a girl after my own heart!! your investigative style, inquisitive mind ... even your choice of stake-out snacks!!

love it. great post!

thanks for the laughs.

hugs,
terry lee (fellow mother of two former teens and one current teen!)

Blondie's Journal said...

This is so funny. I think I might fit some of the roles...maybe co~star with you. My kids say I never miss anything that goes on outside our windows.

xoxo
Jane

Julie Harward said...

Dang, this is so funny! It brings out the best in me too...after 8 kids, I hold a masters degree..but alas, I am married to the same kind! Come say hi :D

Debra@Common Ground said...

This was laugh out loud Laura, good luck on this educational endeavor, if it doesn't work out you can just pretend that you're a PI and sit in your car. You know that snacks or food eaten in a car have no calories!
love ya,
Debra

Deb said...

I would love to be a PI....My hubby would be good at it...he notices everything everyone is doing...and decides what he thinks they are really up to....now he has me doing the same thing...and being a good blogger I always have my camera with me...which would be great for being a PI....love your posts...always such fun

Deb said...

Oh my gosh, you have me laughing out loud. I've been on a couple of stakeout's before back when my daughters were teenagers. I took the binoculars but forgot the donuts. I even had a juvenile detective ask me if I needed a job once.

Glenda/MidSouth said...

Cute post! :-) I was telling someone today (have said it many times before) no way could I raise another teen today! When my children call & start a conversation of "-----did this and that" I just cringe. Had one of those conversations yesterday.

Sue said...

That is too funny...I used to do investigative work for an attorney but I never sat in the car with a zoom lens...but that would have been fun...and as for questioning the daughter...she behaved too well, she never went out in high school and the one time she went to the Bahamas in college with her boyfriend I was the first to know....good kid.

Sue said...

Oh I just saw you collect milkglass....so do I...any pictures of the collection??

laurie @ bargain hunting said...

Oh Laura, I am laughing out loud! If your qualifications are suitable for this position, I think I could do it too - especially the part about eating donuts in the car! So funny! Thanks for the laughs. laurie

Chatty Crone said...

Okay - same husband (there are a lot of us aren't there ?) and the kids - how it brings back memories. Loved this blog.

sandie

Farmchick said...

I may have to use the line: Don't make me ride around with my headlights off.

Too funny!

Linda (Nina's Nest) said...

Laura, I wish I had a clever response to a very clever writer.....I am just laughing at your parents' remarks at the end! Linda

~Carrie from Cottage Cozy~ said...

You're hired!

Marsha's Mpressions said...

All men must have that gene! Take away the remote and he might listen.

Sewn With Grace said...

What a great post! It feels so good to laugh. I'm going to use your parents questions. I think they are still pertinent today. Be blessed!

Elizabethd said...

That is quite a serious qualification!
I so remember the questions one used to ask of teenagers, usually replied to by 'Uh'.

Nola @ the Alamo said...

Haha! Just like hip chick, I always wanted to be part of Cagney and Lacey; I adored Christine Cagney. Well, now I watch Burn Notice and see that I'm turning out just like Cagney!

trash talk said...

I can see it now..."My Mother The Car, Redux!". What a great post. Don't forget to take a mason jar with you while on stakeouts...the nights can get mighty long!
Debbie
P.S. My mother would ask me the same question. I never understood what's so wrong about sitting on the hood of a car...beats the back seat!

Beeutiful by Design said...

Seeing that I'm knee deep in teenagers (son 15 daughter 22-althought not technically a teen, still) I find this strangely all too familiar. My questions have to be pointed -"what did the teacher say exactly" and I also say this statement "everyone in town knows us therefore you have people looking at you/out for you all day - I know everything you do so you might as well spill it"

June said...

Laura when you get your degree in the mail, call me and I'll grab my binoculars and meet you in front of my house. No wait, I'll meet you at yours, nothing exciting ever happens here.
I am so your D. I am always assuming and thinking of the worse thing that could happen. My kids call me Debby Downer from SNL fame.
I loved this post girl.
hugs

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