In order for my gardening
to reach its
I have decided
I need the following tools.
These items would be customized
to meet my specific needs.
*I need a super duper leaf sucker upper that
doesn’t get all bent out of shape if a few large
rocks, pieces of glass, or
other unidentifiable archaeological objects join in on the fun.
It needs to have a black bag attachment that
bags all of said objects
without me having to expend
This would be a sort of Daisy Seal a Meal for the yard.
*I need a low rider type garden vehicle,
with a CD player and an ice chest,
that I can ride around in,
in my yard,
from problem area to problem area.
It needs to be low so I can reach down,
and grab whatever I need to grab,
with as little effort as possible.
The engineering for this
would be based on the same principal
as riding a polo pony,
even though I have never done so.
*I need a staff of robotic
yard machines that do everything I program them to do,
without giving me dirty looks,
running away and hiding,
or screening my calls.
*I need a giant sprinkler system,
in the trees,
so when I turn it on,
it rains on the entire yard.
I mean , after all,
let’s get this show on the road.
*I need a means of
discouraging cutter ants from
stripping my roses
“That lady is nuts.”
*I need a laser chain saw
that is user friendly.
All I would have to do is point it at what
I want trimmed
and yell “Trim!”
I would never, ever have to
go to the back door,
falling into the house dramatically,
where my husband is watching television,
acting like I have just trekked the Sahara desert,
“Can you come out here for just one minute?”
*I need a dance floor in the back yard.
I am tired of stepping into holes.
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