Thursday, March 17, 2011

My Gardening ‘I Need’ List


In order for my gardening

to reach its

full potential,

I have decided

I need the following tools.

These items would be customized

to meet my specific needs.

*I need a super duper leaf sucker upper that

doesn’t get all bent out of shape if a few large

rocks, pieces of glass, or

other unidentifiable archaeological objects join in on the fun.

It needs to have a black bag attachment that

bags all of said objects

without me having to expend

any effort.

This would be a sort of Daisy Seal a Meal for the yard.

*I need a low rider type garden vehicle,

with a CD player and an ice chest,

that I can ride around in,

in my yard,

from problem area to problem area.

It needs to be low so I can reach down,

without stopping,

and grab whatever I need to grab,

with as little effort as possible.

The engineering for this

would be based on the same principal

as riding a polo pony,

even though I have never done so.

*I need a staff of robotic

yard machines that do everything I program them to do,

without giving me dirty looks,

running away and hiding,

or screening my calls.

*I need a giant sprinkler system,

in the trees,

so when I turn it on,

it rains on the entire yard.

I mean , after all,

let’s get this show on the road.

*I need a means of

discouraging cutter ants from

stripping my roses

so severe,

so horrific,

they’ll think

“That lady is nuts.”

*I need a laser chain saw

that is user friendly.

All I would have to do is point it at what

I want trimmed

and yell “Trim!”

I would never, ever have to

go to the back door,

falling into the house dramatically,

where my husband is watching television,

acting like I have just trekked the Sahara desert,


Can you come out here for just one minute?”

And finally…

*I need a dance floor in the back yard.

I am tired of stepping into holes.


I am linking to:




Jodie said...

Thanks for visting my blog the other day and for the nice comment. I've been out tackling our backyard now that we finally have had some warm days. I agree, a dance floor would be fun! I'm following you back!

Unknown said...

I am right there with you, Laura. Been out in the yard yesterday & today for the first time weather permitted ... what a joy!

Happy St. PAddy's Day ~

trash talk said...

I can provide the CD player...if you don't mind him singing off tune!
I say...invent those things. Sounds like a plan to me!!!
P.S. I want a dance floor too!

Theresa said...

When you find these items, order me one of each:) Have a blessed evening dear friend, HUGS!

Sandra said...

As I read this post, I can hear the sounds of a chain saw, mower, weed eater, and leaf blower in my yard. So I may have invented all of those things: red, blooded American former students without whom I couldn't make it ;-) xoxo

Olive said...

Wow, you are needy. You need a slew of minions...that's what you need! I am the yard man here and Joe says I am the cutest yard man he has ever seen...that is positive affirmation. Have a splendid weekend. ♥O

Glenda/MidSouth said...

Sounds reasonable to me. :-D I need a leaf vacuum with bag attachment.
Enjoy your evening.

LPC said...

And I thought I was asking for a lot, wanting a new cotoneaster shrub:). I like your plan.

Kuki... said...

Love it!!! Please let me know when you locate the items on your wish list...I'll be right behind you in the check-out line!

NanaDiana said...

Where's that genie in the bottle when you need say...Your wish is my command...that's what I want to know!!!!

Sue @ Not the Good Scissors! said...

I can see the back door drama now. I would do the same thing and hubby would be rolling the eyes. AND he would be watching T.V. too.

Honestly I think everything you mentioned isn't too much to ask for. No. Not one little bit. :)

savvycityfarmer said...

which translates ... golfcart with a beer cooler ... and a canopy ...
line dance classes at sundown!


Brenda Pruitt said...

You are so brilliant with wit and words! I love the falling into the back door dramatically one. How many times have I pulled that one? Don't ask. Now about that garden vehicle, you forgot to add air conditioning. This is TEXAS!

Sue said...

So funny...the Seal a Meal image made me laugh! My husband is the yard guy around here...he loves it. I just pick out pretty things at the greenhouses and tell him where to put them!

Karen said...

I'll pick you up this weekend and take you over to the John Deere Implement place so you can try to sell them a few of your ideas. They will love 'em! I just know they will.
Laura, you make me laugh out loud!
Ladybug Creek

No name said...

Well that's quite a list you've got there with some mighty high expectations. LOL I can help you out with one of them. The ant problem! Ants HATE eucalyptus! If you can get your hands on boughs of eucalyptus place them around your roses. They will scatter! Eucalyptus boughs keep ants away from bowls of dog food left outside. Vicks Vapor rub smeared with a Q-Tip around the edges of counters keep the nasty, but smart, colonies of ants out of houses. Bay leaves work too. Not quite as effective as Eucalyptus.

As for the robots.... I've heard and read the first robots are being tested now. It's predicted that they'll be used buy 2020. You might get your wish by being able to purchase your own robot. :) I'm totally serious btw. I'm not yanking your chain. I promise.


deb said...

Amen sister!! Add me to that list too!!

Linda said...

That is quite the list of garden wants. Hope you get them all.

Tootsie said...

hahaha! I NEED a lot of things for mine is fun to
thanks for linking in!

Sandy aka Doris the Great said...

I love your list. I need most of those things too, especially that laser chain saw and dance floor.

Cindi @ Rustique Art said...

ditto! on all of that, except my yard is not big enough for the riding mower...and fear for you life if you even think about mowing the yard here. That is the mister's pride and joy...his yard. *piff* wish he loved his garage that much :)

But the laser chain saw! Sah-weet! I would love one of those!

Becca's Dirt said...

You are so funny. Yes I want all of those things too. You said it perfectly. Let me know how it works out.

Darla said...

What a perfect gardening 'I Need' list....

Rosie Gan said...

I need a full-time gardener at my beck and call, that's what I need.

Karen said...

Oh, I love your ideas! You could make a fortune if you developed even one of them...I'm waiting anxiously for your inventions. Thank you for a very enjoyable (and true) post!

Nancy's Notes said...

Laura, now that list is priceless, I really want one of those leaf suckers! You truly crack me up, your posts always make me chuckle, it's good till I read your next delightful one!

Love to you dear friend.


Sandy said...

I just love your post full of "I needs"... too cute....
I got a blower/leaf sucker/mulcher and I LOVE IT!!
Can't have too many garden thingies...
Happy Spring!

Katherines Corner said...

What a great post!!!!You have a lovely blog, I'm so happy I hopped over. Wishing you happiness. Hugs and Happy Spring! Katherine

LindyLouMac said...

I am taking part in Seasonal Saturday this week so am just hopping around the fellow participants to say hi. A very funny post, my husband and I both love our garden!

Deb said...

I want a dance floor in my back yard..

Carol said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog recently. I am following along with you too! I think I need a gardener...the older I get the more I just want to stay at the beach and not garden.

Have a great week!

Carol-the gardener

deb mills said...

lol! love this. could you please move to maryland and be my next door neighbor? we'd have so much fun....

Roz | La Bella Vita Cucina said...

I have a never-ending list of things that I'd like to purchase for gardening! Thanks for stopping by and sharing at Fresh Clean and Pure Friday/Seasonal Saturday! Now following your lovely blog! Hope ou can stop by again soon!


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